Loving Everyone Means Loving No One: Essay on Polyamory

“Loving everyone means loving no one.” This is what the famous wisdom tells us, persuading that one partner in love is everything we need in our personal life to get happiness. And here is a place to think – whether it is a universal wisdom or, perhaps, oppressive manipulation? Nowadays we are living in the free liberal society, where the personal life is our own choice and business of everyone. However, when we suddenly find out that there is a person among our acquaintances who has two/three or more lovers, most of us feel a strong disapproval about this deed…or even disgust. Thus, should we really claim polyamory as something immoral and tabooed? Or, on the contrary, it is here to affirm that polyamory relationship can be not only moral and beautiful but for some people, they are the only way to be happy in their personal life. Firstly, we will look through the prejudices around famous story of polyamory relationships, in the second part we will emphasize the benefits which get people from this relationship. At last, we will see why this kind of relationship can be implemented. Let's begin with the typical stereotypes and prejudices around polyamory.

Typical Stereotypes and Prejudices around Polyamory

Typically, the radical supporters of traditional values identify polyamory with such concepts as the adultery, lechery, venereal diseases or non-serious teen games. Nevertheless, a polyamorous relationship has its rules as well as morality: every polyamor must be informed about the partners of another polyamor. Therefore, in the context of health safety, polyamorous connections, just the same as the traditional ones, ideally, are safe for its supporters. And they also use the term of adultery, in case one of the polyamors hides his sexual relations with someone else from his main partner. Furthermore, the most of polyamors support the idea of marriage. For example, the internet-based survey, which was conducted in 2012 among 4000 polyamorous people by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, reveals that more than 75% of polyamors would like to be legally married if it was available for more than three people. Another prejudice is that this type of relationship has a negative impact on children who are being brought up in polyamory families. On the contrary, Maria Pallotta-Chiarelli of Deakin University in Australia, after doing extensive research about the children in polyamory families, found out that the interaction with more than two family members is, in fact, very useful for children as they get much more attention, communication and care from more than two dearest people in comparison with the traditional couples.

Monogamy as the Product of Pop Culture

In fact, the reason why polyamory is associated with something unnatural, freaky and immoral is because monogamy is highly imposed by both traditional, elite and pop-culture. Famous Hollywood movies, TV programs, outstanding bestsellers, posters and advertisements of well-known brands – they all tell us that we have to wish for a classical monogamy romance. Let alone recollect such movies as “Pearl Harbor”, the plot of which could be interpreted differently, in case the phenomenon of polyamory perceived as normal. Therefore, this huge consensus about monogamy as the only possible way of personal life not only causes depressions, feeling of guilt inside of the ones who tend to have a strong affection to few people, but also interfere with their inner development as some relationships can be inevitable for self-cognition. It is here to suggest that almost everyone nowadays has acquaintances who are likely to have polyamory relationships as this phenomenon is becoming more and more popular.

The Polyamory as a Source of Inspiration in the Art and Science: Fragments

In reality, polyamory has made a contribution to the process of human inspiration. In that case, polyamory was the phenomenon which inspired some well-known people, whose books and pieces of arts nowadays inspire us. For instance, Carl Gustav Jung, who is often regarded as the most perspicacious philosopher and psychoanalyst of the twentieth century, was the one who was engaged in extramarital relationships and considered the polyamorous relationships as natural for human psychology in his studies. His alleged affairs with Sabina Spielrein and Toni Wolff were the most widely discussed in his times. The next well-known example is the relationship of Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. During their life, they experienced cohabitation with the third partner. And, the last but not the least, let's recollect the well-known story of Casanova and Don Juan whose stories inspired many writers. Could we imagine how much poorer the aesthetic of art would be if these characters were just removed?

The conclusion is that we should esteem the necessity to contemplate polyamory without stereotypes and prejudices, as for some people this is the only possible way for the well-being in personal life, which, additionally, some believe, is “the relationship of the future.” Thus, in present times, polyamory is the kind of relationship which has its rules and morality and is regarded by some researchers as useful for raising children, and which, at last, inspired famous scientists and artists.